6 Ways Your Childhood Affects Your Love Style
Our childhood has a profound impact on the things you do later on in your life because your childhood is a place where you usually have the best memories, and it’s a place where you learn things that you will remember throughout your life. The habits you’re taught in your childhood and the environment in which you are raised profoundly impact your love style and relationships.
Today, we shall discuss how your childhood affects your love style and that too in six different ways.
Number 1 – Being a Pleaser
The first way your childhood affects the way your love style is by being a pleaser. You tend to turn into a pleaser when you’ve had your parents be highly critical of you in your childhood. Apart from that, your parents might also have been overprotective. As a child during that time, you always were the “good” child in the house who did everything right and tried not to be a burden for the family.
When such an environment is created in a household, from a young age, the person possesses the qualities of trying to please everyone around them, having the inability to say no, fear of conflict, and finding it difficult to stand up for their own opinion. These people often have the feeling that they’re not good enough for the people around them. It would be better if people who like to be such pleasers shared their feelings with other people and let them know what they’re feeling at a particular moment instead of always doing what other people expect of them.
Number 2- Playing role of victim
People who have been at the receiving end of aggressive or violent parents in childhood grow up and act as a victim in how they tend to express their love style. Being child, they learned to stay as private as possible and, if necessary, they withdraw into their dreams and ideas. Victims typically have low self-esteem even in their adulthood.
Most of the people belonging to this class have anxiety or depression. These people are usually attracted to dominant personalities because they tend to remind them of their parents. Victims adopt a passive mindset in their relationships and just let things flow because if things are going well for quite some time, then they fear that something might go wrong at any given time. To have a healthy relationship with the people around them, these people need to be taught how to love themselves and stand up for themselves instead of putting up with everything.
Number 3 – Being in Control
A childhood where a person is barely protected and is vulnerable emotionally and physically is when they develop the habit of being in control of their lives by being independent and tough. Even in their adulthood, controllers try to avoid feelings such as fear, insecurity, and helplessness at all costs because this is the only way they believe they can stay in control.
Controllers feel like they need to have anger inside them because they believe it can help them stay in control and be more robust. People like being in power in the way they love barely leave their comfort zone because they feel exposed this way. They prefer to solve problems their way, even if it is a challenging route to take. In this love style, controllers behave dominantly and patronizingly where they also try to control their partners frequently.
Number 4 – The vacillatory
In their childhoods, vacillators usually had parents who were unpredictable and never gave importance to their children. These parents didn’t make children their priority, and these people had a fear of letting their parents down.
Since vacillators are indecisive and hesitant, these people want stability and reliability from a relationship. These people idealize love and belief in having strengthened relationships all around. This is why they get doubts and fears with the smallest of difficulties. Vacillators also experience a lot of emotional stress, making them very sensitive and attached to minor things. These people usually put in the effort to know the person they like better. They believe in giving relationships time to grow, and if it is something real, they’ll know it instantly.
Number 5 – The Avoider
Avoiders, when young, were taught by their parents that having feelings would make them weak, and they should always strive towards being independent. These people put in their entire effort to become independent as soon as possible and put their emotions and needs on the side. When these people grow up to become adults, they keep people at a distance and rely more on logic and rational arguments than their feelings.
To have a stable relationship, the avoider types need to learn to let others close to them and deal openly and honestly with their feelings.
Number 6 – The Secure Connector
Finally, last but certainly not least, this is the type of person you should aspire to be as you grow up and love people. The secure connector is the person who is comfortable with giving and receiving love.
In their early years, secure connectors are people who have had lots of love in their childhood and just at the right amount, in the sense that it didn’t spoil them. Secure connectors recognize both their strengths and weaknesses and others’ and can interact with their romantic partners without idealizing or devaluing them. These people have no problems communicating their feelings and needs, are great at resolving conflicts, and are comfortable setting and maintaining personal boundaries that people have set out for them or vice versa. This is one of the reasons why secure connectors manage to build stable and loving relationships with the people around them.
How your childhood pans out has a significant effect on your love life later on. You get to build relationships around depending what you’ve learned from life and what you can do to make sure these relationships thrive.